but jeez with some guys, you wish there was some truth serum requirement or something. now granted that the things i write here are from my point of view and since i am hetero female, it might sound like im male bashing. no, i know that there are good and bad in both sexes, and that ladies can be just as rude, nasty and mean as any guy.
now i am beginning to wonder if someone, somewhere, in some sort of twisted cosmic joke, has sprayed me in man repellant. o hell, freakin bathed me in that shit. i mean really, come on. all i can say is, thank the gods for toys.
now i realize that im not a supermodel, i get that, but i aint butt ass ugly either. im not thin, but im not terribly out of my weight range. i still have great legs. still look great in a skirt. yes i can still wear a short skirt, but not ridiculously short as im not into showing my short and curlies. i wear my cloths weight appropriate.
i mean whats the deal with all these heavy girls wearing clothes 5 times too small. so that they look like some one put too much play-do into the mold and its ooooozing out. sorry ladies but that is not a pretty picture. and they know too because i see gals all the time constantly yanking on their too short-waisted jeans to pull them up over their crack. what, so like men giving us the 'plumber's view' wasn't enough. wow in one more thing ladies have equality in. how nice. ugh.
so anyways, now i also realize that i have an intimidating look about me. it called the look of death. its the look aquired by self preservation to protect one's psyche from a mean and treacherous world full of users and liars. and also, im no idiot. im not a genius by any stretch, but im dismayed to see such a percentage of people who make me look like one. intelligence seems to be a total turn off to some men.
the look of death is a double edged sword. on one hand it scares off potential dates and on the other, it scares off the balless wonders. i guess i should explain that i like tough guys. i just am not attracted to anyone weaker than i am. and i am a very tough gal.
i also have tattoos, not pretty little birdies or some cool retro or fineline work of art. no i have a large tribal on my right forarm and what is classified as prison tattoos, even though i have never been in prison, covering my left forarm. i have long nails, heavy silver rings, bleached blond hair with vivid pink tips on the tips of my hair. it is mid length and naturally curly. which is more like naturally hideous. i hate my hair. i really do. about once or twice a month it actually looks good. one thing though is that on my edating sites i say who i am. i make it plain and clear that i have pink hair and tattoos. i make it very clear that i am not looking for a hook up. i never lie about who i am.
now, if you are actually still reading this, you must be pretty tough as well. but any rate, i must sound like im really scary. ok, i am... sorta, not really. hell, to be honest maybe i am. but i see girls who make me look like angelina get more action in a week then i have seen in the last decade.
now i have learned to smile and play nice. i truly have become a happier person. i've lost weight and feel good about myself and would like to go on a date now and then. so i have been trying edating because i work odd hours. at first i did the whole video/phone thing but that became old, quick. nothing against those that like to do stuff like that but it aint my bag. it makes everything so cheap and desparate to me.
these are things i did after my break up with my last xltr. 10 years of a soul-sucking roller coaster ride. i found out a year after the break-up that he tried to do it with my best friend. i always wondered why she had a deep hatred towards him. he had been cheating on me and he was one of those that accused me of cheating all the time and i never had. granted, i was no peach either, but i dont cheat and i was in such luuuuv so it would have never occured to me to do so.
well after a time i met up with a squatty australian. he was supposed to be a one night stand but like a boomerang he turned up again and for a month it was a very interesting time. he was a charming liar and user. lets say that in that month, i went through about $1500, a road trip to vegas (oooo that's a whole story in itself!!), and arizona ending up with him getting whisked away by immigration because he stayed too long on his visa in texas. no lie, i swear! everyone has to stop on i-10 outside of el paso. all i can say is that it was a wild ride.
so then i get back to nashville and soon i start hanging out with a warm and funny guy who was living on the streets here in nashville. he was very sweet and nice to me. i wasn't in love but let him move in with me. now he had some fantastic stories about himself but they were consistant and he was so sincere. but after about 8 months i knew without doubt that his stories were false. my logical brain did timelines and i would question him and there was always a way for things to work, but i had enough and asked for concrete proof and the next day i was at worked he ran away.
yep, as it turned out, nothing about him was true. and i mean nothing! he is a pathological liar. his whole entire life was a lie. holy hell! i mean his family, his name, even his age was a lie! and this is especially amazing since i had been going on and on about how much i hated liars after the smarmy australian and my cheating x. what balls! i mean really, everyday wondering when i would see through the curtain of lies.
sigh.. so it goes.
he has been gone since may '05 and i the only sex i have had since has been a one night stand on mardi gras in '06. thats been it. i had a couple dates last year but sadly that went no where.
my schedule is also a date killer. i work 4am to noon, thursday through monday. yup, thats right tuesday-wednesday off days. o woo effin hoo. and what a nightlife. hell, even senior citzens eat later then i do.
must of the time when people hear my schedule, thats the last i hear of them. and no i cant just change my schedule. my job doesn't work that way and since i have a decent paying job with 20 years of senority, bene's and 4 weeks of vacation and duties that usually consist of surfing the net for hours at a time, its hard to just leave in this day and age. its not like there is anyone else helping with the bills.
so lately i have found a couple new edating sites and have gotten some decent hits. the first on stood me up. grrrrr! that really pisses me off. what an asshat. i mean really, there is all that back and forth ritual as to when and where. and then to make me drive somewhere to meet and then not show up! thats just freakin rude especially now with gas prices being the way they are. if people dont show up im going to hunt them down and make them give me gas money!
so then i went on another date, this time with a very nice but very frail older man. he even had that old man smell and dandruff. he was a lot more interested in me than i was with him. i turned my head when he tried to kiss me. i let him down as easily as i could.
i started emailing another guy who im attracted to and he is attracted to me but it comes out that he is into multiples, a lot apparently. thats also not my bag.
so then i finally get a real date with a guy i am attracted to and wow, he seems really attracted to me. he is really open and laid back and we laugh it up on the phone. he invites me out. he gives me his address and name so i can tell someone else where im going so i can be safe. i go to his house and damn we had a hell of a time. he showed me his house and property. we take pictures of each other laughing and clowning, (yes we are still dressed!), he even makes sure that he has one of the two of us. well the day turned into night and a fun time was had by all. i had to leave early in the am because i had to work and he was still going on about getting back together. he even gives me my dinner plate from the night before where i only had eaten half of the dinner he cooked.
when i made it back to work and called back, he was still talking about getting together the next day. i did my shift, went home, washed my hair and napped a bit. i called. no answer. i left a happy message. waited about an hour, but his cell went right to voicemail. ok so he's out. waited almost 2 hours. called back again. 4 rings then to voicemail. ok, now i leave a message to call back to make sure he wants me to come out. i also leave a message on the edating site saying basically the same thing. nothing. no response at all.
next day, i leave another message on the edate site. still nothing but i can see that he has been on and active on the site. hmmmm. im not feeling too happy about this. in fact im feeling pretty pissed. i wait and wait and then made the final phone call where i put a smile in my voice and say 'what happened? i hope all is ok. i am not sure whats going on? please call me. and if you dont, this will be my last call to you, you know how to get a hold of me' yea, yea, yea.
nothing, nothing at all. my friends are all as miffed as i am. why did he give me the plate if he knew he was going to blow me off? i will be forever puzzled over this one.
so now i have a plate i need to mail as he lives too far for me to drive it. it is awfully tempting to wrap a brick in with it... it would almost be right as he hasnt enough balls to tell me fuck off or anything, damn. o and he changed his pic on the edating site. i bet he has no problem getting gals now. i feel so used.
at least there is a silver lining, i got laid, and well. thats more than all of last year. woo hoo! and really im not bitter, ok, maybe a little. but its like every time i try, i get kicked in the teeth for my efforts.
dont worry, im not giving up. i am sure that there are many more interesting dates yet to go. after all, i still have more teeth!
